Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
