I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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