I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
