It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
