can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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