Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
