You just made me feel so damn special
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
