he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
