There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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