Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
