Define "chronic" masturbator.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
