Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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