You're my little dorito
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
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He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
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Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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