if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
