Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
