I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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