maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
