butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
