I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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