woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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