She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
