My underwear smells like fireworks.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
