My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
