Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
