my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
