I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
