wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
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I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
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This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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