he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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