Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
