Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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