opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
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I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
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It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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