Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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