Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Randomize
