also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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