Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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