i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
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Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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