I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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