one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
