Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
