i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Drunk is not a location!
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