You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
