You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
