i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
