I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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