i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
