Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
