We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
