Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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