there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
