We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
