So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
