Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
