Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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