I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
God, you're like boner-b-gone
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
