then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
