i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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