I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
