My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
