hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
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I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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